Sunday, 5 June 2016

How to Reclaim Your Success When You Have Lost Everything

Have you tasted the heights of success previously and lost it all? If so then this blog post is for you (Or you can share it with someone you know who has)

When I say the height of success I mean that relevant to you and where you went from. It doesn't mean that you have had to have been a multi-millionaire or run 5 huge big businesses either; although that will still make this post pertinent for you too.

Yesterday I coached a lovely woman who was in such a position. She had lost everything. She was now sleeping on her daughter's couch. She had lost a business, her house and her marriage. Everything had fallen apart.

Now I can empathise with her situation. Why? because I have been in the same position twice before in my own life.

Losing everything can be a major blow, obviously. It can affect every area of your life. You don't want to burden other people with your 'problems', worries and fears. This can be more so if you have been orbiting in circles where everyone else is successful too.

Life can sometimes fall apart. I prefer to view it as life rearranging itself and preparing better things and times. A redecoration of your house often times means it must be first stripped bare

You can feel isolated, alone and down most of the time. After all, you aren't supposed to be negative around such people! This can make the people who have lost it all become insular and withdraw from everyone they know.

Unless you have been in such a position it can be quite daunting to say the least. Many years ago it almost drove me to suicide. But I managed to bounce bigger and better than ever before.

Anyway, as we talked further I offered her what is below. This was only the first session and I am not going to go through everything we discussed or what I offered her as a coach, as the post would be too long. So how I said such things will be omitted here also (Suggestive or hypnotic language, metaphors, breaking patterns etc).

Refocus Your Mind

My main task was to refocus her mind that had fallen away from how it used to think. Other beliefs had intruded and overtaken previous positive beliefs she once held about herself and, life itself. Once this happens it can become a vicious, unforgiving bear trap.

It can be quite easy for the mind to focus on the past in such situations like these. The mind enjoys transporting you back to past mistakes or past successes. Both are not wanted, but see my other point further down. Beating yourself up about what you could have done differently will only keep you locked in misery and a stuck state.

I got this great woman to focus her mind on what could be absolutely great about her situation. I also got her to focus on what she could be grateful for in life right now. Who did love her, who she loved, how she was still rich in life, in many ways and areas.

This helps the mind greatly refocus from the dire to what really is currently. I would suggest you ask yourself those questions too.

When in this state of nothingness the mind will seek out everything that is wrong in life, so refocusing on what is good can break you free from that bloody bear trap. And that's what you want to do.

I'm 49 and it's too late...

Some people, as they get older, can feel tired for having to start again. They can feel it's far too late to make life better or reclaim their success or make their life great again. But this thinking is limiting.

I asked her what age she thought she would die and she replied about 80 (I reminded her it could be longer but went with the 80)

Well that's wonderful I told her. On that reckoning you have only gone 8 years past half your life. That means you have virtually half of your life ahead of you! How great is that?

Again this refocused the mind that she could make something of her life again. That neither age nor time was an issue and definitely not an excuse for not trying again.

But can I do it again?

I tackled the word 'but', but that is one of the bits I am leaving out of this post. Again this is another example of a defeatist state of mind that becomes habitual. It is the mind actively seeking out the negative so as to prove her thinking and justifications right.

This is another technique the mind employs. It actively seeks out what it believes to be true and ignores evidence to the contrary. 

And may I suggest you re-read that last sentence.

After talking some more with her it transpired it took her 8 attempts to pass her driving test. This reminded her that she was not a quitter; that she had tried before many times and succeeded. All she had to do was use the same strategy! (More of that will be in a future session with her)

I made so many mistakes...

That's fantastic I said. It shows you were a go-getter. I asked her if she knew many people who have never even tried making their life greater? She had. So I told her they have never made any mistakes. Never. They play it safe. They don't dream. Those people will more than likely have an unfulfilled life.

Taking risks is exactly what it says on the tin; a risk. and not a guarantee. They don't always pay off. Some do, some don't. But it doesn't mean that all risks in the future will not pay off or that they all will. Just ask any successful stockbroker. Or any other successful entrepreneur.

Some of her risks didn't pay off.

We then went on to see what she could learn from these mistakes. How have they forged her into the remarkable woman she is now. Were there any she could use to her advantage or turn into a new business idea even?

I then explained how she had been doing the best she could with the knowledge and resources she had available at the time. She is in the process of releasing those character building lessons from a negative viewpoint.

Her mind had been beating herself up for months. She instantly felt better for making her mistakes.

Past Successes - Big or Small

I then got her to make a list of all her past successes; anything and everything she could be proud of. She could use this list to remind herself that she was a truly wonderful person. Every time her mind wanted to start beating her up she could pull out this list. This was to help her break the thinking pattern she was currently in. It helps rebuild confidence too, but I anchored that for her.

How is she doing?

Just this afternoon she calls me to say how so much better she feels. She hasn't felt like this for months. She can see a future already. She has hope. Her belief is returning already. She is simply shocked how just over 90 minutes with me can completely change her outlook and how great life really is. All in less than 24 hours.

Well, I am not shocked. Humbled and pleased of course, but not shocked. The hypnotic language and metaphors get to work on the unconscious mind instantly.

It never shocks me. Amazes? Yes. Every time. The mind is a wonderful machine. And so is yours.

It's never too late to try again and it's always worthwhile giving life another shot. You lost once or twice, maybe even three or four times, so what? Try again.

I can tell you now, it really is it worth it and anything really is possible.

Robert is a published author, NLP Practitioner, Timeline Therapist™, Life Enhancement Coach (Dip) and has coached people and held seminars and workshops across 4 continents. If you would like personal coaching from Robert to make your life great please go here